Genre: Romance, Suspense
Summary: When one life ends and another took over, for how long he could live in a world full of pretense?
Comments: a super late onsehot for Uruha's birthday.
“This day… there’s nothing to celebrate about.”
The opposite train passed on him and for a second that seemed to be in slow motion, he saw himself reflected on the door’s window.
[2 years ago, June 9]
He and his twin sister were products of a broken family. His dad died and his mother remarried two years after when he turned six. His twin sister was his opposite, quite the brainy one. She was granted a scholarship to Tokyo when he was thirteen. He loved her that’s why it’s very difficult to see her leave. She’s everything that’s left for him. He began to move on when he met soccer. However, even that became too impossible for him. He had a heart disease. He was officially discarded on the team when he was fifteen, just when he thought he’ll be able to play in the district tournament. A year after, his body collapsed and he was bedridden in the hospital ever since.
“My birthday is something I really hate.”
That’s what he thought. But it once became something he looked forward every year. It’s because his sister would visit him in the hospital year by year with a cute birthday cake and presents. Being locked upon a room being aloof and in solitude, everyone seemed to forget his existence. It feels like even he’s alive his existence was slowly diminishing. The only thing that makes him connected to the living world was she and their birthday.
“I know that I’m not that strong to hold on any longer.”
It might have been his last birthday. He felt that his body won’t last a year. He could not count the injections and apparatus that was attach to him. They’ll like cheering, “Ganbatte Ganbatte,” with such pitiful face. That day seemed to be very cold. He wanted to see her. He waited and waited but she did not come. He closed his eyes and gently fell asleep.
“I wanted to see you at least before I die.”
It’s on his birthday that she died. They said it’s a car accident, hit and run. Inside her bag, her identification card, bank book, wallet was retrieved but the witness said that what she held the most precious to her, even to her death, was the organ donor card. He envied her, to be able to become someone truly living, he was jealous of her. But it never occurred to him that they’ll switch places, that he would take over her identity, that he would take over her heart.
To be able to survive the living world, he lived to become her.
[1 year ago, June 9]
“I met him.”
He was wearing a floral purple dress that extend to his knees, doll shoes, and his long wavy hair extended to his waist. It was when he saw himself reflected on a shop’s window. It’s alright. That way he would remember her he thought. He was lost for a minute and when he looked at his front he saw him.
He’s not moving and carries a blank expression when he looked at him.
Mysteriously, there were so much tears flowing out from his eyes.
“Uruha, I miss you! I miss you so much.”
He ran to him and he felt his body. It’s very warm. They had a cup of coffee after.
That was Reita. Uruha’s boyfriend. And that’s how it all began.
“So what you are trying to say is that you had an accident that caused your amnesia?”
Uruha’s cheeks were puffed of cupcakes so he just nodded.
“That sounded like a jdorama,” Reita shook his head. “Ah, but really! Is it delicious… the cupcakes?”
“Mm mm,” he nodded with blank expression. “It’s far better than those bought in Ebay.”
“Are they even selling foods?” Reita thought. “Anyway, cancel your rent. Live with me so I could take care of you.”
Uruha almost threw up at Reita’s face.
Reita held his wrist and covered their faces with the menu. He kissed him that left him stunned. Reita with his stupid face giggled and patted his head.
“Be a good girl okay? Happy birthday <3”
He felt that a demon just stole his soul.
“MY FIRST KISS!” he raged. “MY FIRST KISS IS WITH A MONKEY! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIEEEEEEEEEEE!”
He didn’t notice that he was hitting Reita with the wooden flower vase.
“ARE YOU FUCKING TRYING TO KILL ME YOU VIOLENT WOMAN!”
“Eeeeh,” Uruha returned to his poker face. “Sorry.”
“Hey hey, you’re acting very cold…” Reita brushed his head. “We’ve even done that a couple of times.”
“I’m sorry I have to leave,” Uruha walked out.
Reita followed him. They haven’t met for too long. Even if it’s amnesia or whatever, he wished Uruha could give him a chance to be with him even just as friends. He’s really cold for him considering how sweet and nice he was once before. It even seemed like he’s trying to avoid him. But hey, they’re still lovers right? They did not officially end their relationship yet. He has the right to feel anxious, right? He loves him after all even if it doesn’t matter to Uruha anymore.
Reita suddenly bumped into his back, “What now…”
Uruha’s looking at a sport shop’s window directly at the soccer ball.
“How’s… how’s your brother Kouyou?”
Uruha was stunned with the sudden question.
“Kouyou’s already… dead…” he bit his lips.
He felt Reita came closer to him. His allergy to him suddenly weakened. He let him held his hand and for the other’s chest to touched his back. They were standing alone on the night street, illuminated with the lamp post. It’s the first time he saw fireflies on his birthday. Surrounding them with their intimacy, Reita’s lips were sliding to his neck. It’s the first time. Someone celebrated his birthday with him once again.
“From now on, I won’t let you feel alone anymore.”
Uruha’s eyes widened. Those sweet words were meant for him. Tears started to flood. It pained him. The truth is he was longing for someone. He did not want to be alone anymore. But he knew all of this was not really meant for him.
He woke up alone in his apartment the next day. He should be contented just like this. Drinking coffee and watching TV on his rest day. Shifting channels, maybe it’s nice to go out and watch a movie. If he’s surrounded with people, he’ll feel less alone maybe. That’s what he was trying to lie himself with, even though he completely understood that even on the crowd, he’s still like a loner watching a sad movie.
Someone’s knocking on his door.
“Who it might be…” Uruha was surprise with the bouquet of roses. “Who are you?”
“YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO BE CRUEL, DON’T YOU?” Reita raised an eyebrow. “Anyway, I’m coming in…”
Reita went straight to the living room and dropped the roses and chocolates he brought. He went straight to the kitchen and took some snacks from the fridge. When everything was set and he already put on the movie he brought, he wondered what’s taking Uruha so long. He looked for him and found him next to the telephone line just before the entrance.
“Aaah, this is bad. Hey, do you know the police hotline?”
“Eeh… Ah yeah, I’ll write it down for you so just in case…” Reita scribbled.
“Thanks. I’m going to report a stranger who came into my flat…” someone picked up the line before Reita could react. “Oh hello…”
“HELLO PIZZA DELIVERY?”
“HAHAHAHHAA!” Reita laughed. “I know what you’re trying to do moron!”
“YOUUUUU…” Uruha stared at him.
Reita took the phone from him, “Yeah, I want combo A with lots of pepperoni please. Mm yeah. Yeah yeah…”
When he finished talking and put down the phone, Uruha picked it up once again and dialed.
“Fine, I’m just going to call a zoo keeper. I’ll report a lost monkey…”
“YOUUUU!” he stole the phone and held Uruha on his wrist. “Stop it.”
Reita looked very serious that seemed to scare Uruha.
“You… Why are you covering your nose? It’s flat, isn’t it?” Uruha said with a straight face.
“Hey hey hey…”
“Well, it’s not bad. As long as you’re the one paying for the pizza…” he walked in and threw himself at the sofa.
Reita smiled and resumed the movie.
“Aaaah!” Uruha hit Reita with a pillow. “What’s gonna happen next? That woman! That woman! Do you want to see what hell is like?” he murmured trying to impersonate the character in the movie.
Reita felt that was the biggest mistake on his life. Uruha could unintentionally kill him even before the movie’s finished. He thought it would scare him but right now, what he really worried was his life. Uruha’s getting pumped up and excited was dangerous.
And that’s what really happened. After all Uruha’s punching, kicking, and hitting, he fell asleep before he finished the movie. It turned very dark when the credits had shown up. Uruha did not notice the time. It might be what they call “having fun.” He looked at Reita lying on the sofa next to him. He moved to him and kneeled on the floor. He caressed his sleeping face. He just noticed how cool and attractive he was, all the more, he’s very kind. He looked closely. Reita’s eyes were really sharp and small but it’s cute. It won’t be wrong. He’s the guy his sister fell in love with.
“Hey monkey, are you asleep?”
He cupped his cheeks and kissed his lips. He didn’t understand why. His body moved on its own. The sweet taste of his lips, he’s beginning to miss it. It’s very soft. The feeling of their lips touching each other seemed to be very enigmatic.
And… he felt a hand touching his back.
Uruha’s eyebrow raised as he looked at Reita with a stupid curve on his face. His eyes were wide awake, with a dirty grin on his face directed to him. With Reita’s luck, the nearest object to Uruha was a tin can. The tin can directly bounced on his head after Uruha threw it to him.
“Stupid!” Uruha hit his knee at the table when he panicked.
Reita caught him, hands on his waist, when he’s about to fall. Uruha slapped him but still Reita kept quiet and did not let go. Even the way he was, Uruha knew he might had hurt Reita’s feelings. He was supposed to apologize when Reita suddenly carried him and threw him on the bed.
“What are you doing!” he was supposed to get up when Reita pushed him back.
He tried and tried but Reita would only pin him back all over again. He became tired and stopped his effort. They stared at each other for too long when Reita left and when he returned he was carrying a first aid box. He started to clean the wounds that Uruha had when he scratched himself at the table corner when he hit it. Gently, when he would arc a bit, Reita would blow his wound and the pain would subside. He couldn’t help but to stare to Reita. More and more, he’s becoming more attractive.
Reita finished wrapping his wound and remain silent as he sat on the bed next to him.
“Just as I thought, we should….break up after all.”
Uruha wasn’t able to understand the throbbing feelings on his heart.
“Yeah…” he smiled. “I… I did change… into a different person after the accident. I… I’m not the person you’ve love after all…”
“YOU’RE REALLY STUPID! I don’t care of the fucking amnesia or whatsoever, you are you!” Reita covered his eyes so that he would be able to stop his tears. “You don’t know how I felt when you left me. I don’t even had an idea why you’re not calling me anymore. You didn’t comeback to your apartment too. I thought I won’t be able to see you anymore. I thought you’ll be gone forever!”
“Rei…” he wrapped him on his arms and let Reita lean on his chest.
Is it because I’ve fallen for you? My heart aches. I want to know more about you, touch you. I can’t tell you that this heart beats for you. All I can see is you. Every time our eyes meet, every time I hear your voice, I love you more and my heart aches more.
Reita held him to his shoulders and locked their lips.
Can I fall for you? Am I good enough for you?
Every day was filled with smiles and laughter. Dating and cuddling, it seemed to be an endless excitement. But he couldn’t say that such happiness is real. Whenever he looked at himself on the mirror, there’s no more trace of a real him. “You are who you are,” Reita told him but such words only brought him deeper. Something like this was cheating. He’s deceiving Reita all along.
[6 months ago, December 24]
Uruha looked at the mirror. He cut his bangs and curled his hair. He wore his red coat and his knee-high black socks. He smiled at his reflection, thinking how nice it would be staying the way they are right now. But still, he knew, he could not give himself to Reita completely. Even how hard he tries to conceal himself, Kouyou and Uruha were two different people.
He’s a man.
Uruha walked outside wearing a bitter smile on his face. He looked up to the starry sky and it began to snow. Tears ran down on his cheeks. It’s the first snow he had for a long time he could remember.
He was sitting on the bench near the giant Christmas tree. Reita came from his back and covered his eyes. Uruha already memorized his scent. His scarf brushed into his face, it’s soft and warm like Reita’s skin to him.
“I love you.”
“I thought the zoo keeper caught you.”
“Here,” Uruha threw a small envelope. “Christmas present.”
“What… Eat all you can ramen… FOOD COUPON?! Uruha… can’t you be more romantic…”
A sparkling silver necklace slid down the snow.
“Gemini, look I have the same. That’s why wherever we are, both of us are still connected… that’s what the advertisement said. Well whatever, not bad for a hundred yen.”
Reita quiet him with his lips.
Uruha blushed and laid his hands to him, “Where is it?”
Feeling happy, Reita wore his new necklace, “What?”
“MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT YOU MOTHER-FATHER YOU! Don’t tell me…”
Reita laughed, “Yes yes, I’m so sorry.”
“Stupid!” Uruha said with a straight face. “Forget it, let’s have something for dinner.”
Uruha stood up thinking about the unlimited ramen. He shouldn’t have given Reita those coupons. The necklace was enough but Reita might become too full of himself. It should be fine for him to believe that it only worth a hundred yen.
Reita pulled him closer to his body. Uruha was surprised. He just noticed the cold sweat on him. It’s strange, the way he’s acting. When their bodies departed and gazed at the same direction, Reita scratched his head and smiled. He took a small box on his pocket and showed him the silver ring that seemed to be very beautiful.
“Will you marry me?”
He swore that he wouldn’t, that he shouldn’t, but right now there’s no point in hiding the painful tears.
I can’t tell you I love you. All I can see is you. But you don’t look my way, there’s someone else you see. It isn’t me. I hate how I am now. I cry all the time. I’m pathetic. Thanks for worrying about me, but don’t get my hopes up. There’s no point of thinking of us being together. I know it won’t happen. It won’t happen.
“It’s so cruel. This heart…”
Reita cupped his face with his thumb sliding on his lips.
“I’M NOT URUHA!”
“What’s the problem…” he tried to pull him back but Uruha refused and pushed him away. “Uruha, whatever it is, won’t you fucking let me help you? No matter how sad it is, I’ll help you and pull you out.”
“Reita… It’s wrong. It’s wrong. I thought I could be her. I thought this happiness is meant for me but I’m not her. I’m not Uruha, Reita. I’m not your girlfriend. I’m Kouyou.”
Uruha holding Reita’s hand fell on his knees.
“It hurts Reita! The way you love her, the way you always think of her, it hurts Reita! You don’t look my way. I can’t make you look my way! But I can’t stop thinking of you, can’t stay away from you! I want to tell you I love you but… but…”
“Is this some kind of joke?”
“Uruha died in a car accident. But I…even though she gave me her happiness…even though she gave me her heart…I’m still stuck into this darkness I’m in. I’m always and always stuck in it! That’s why Reita… please… please… hurry up and help me! Please pull me out of this pain!”
But it seemed like their fingers were slipping out from each other.
He cried but it was silence that answered him. Reita let go of his hand. He didn’t look at him. He didn’t say a word. He just quietly turned back and left. Uruha’s heart ached more. He cried on his knees. More and more tears dripped down from his eyes. It’s very cold. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. His hands that touched the cold snow covered floor, his legs that seemed to be frozen, more and more it killed his heart.
“Is it because I’m not a woman? Is it because I’m not Uruha? But even if… I’m Kouyou… I mean it. I really love you Reita… You’re terrible… WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE YOU STUPID NOSELESS MONKEY!”
He sat down back to the bench. When every door seemed to be locked, to what place he could stay? There wasn’t really an answer. He stayed up and watched the happy couples cursing each and every one of them, hoping that they would break up. It became tiring, even the tears won’t come out. To where he could possibly go now he’s Kouyou? He looked on his surroundings until there’s nothing to look at anymore. Every one of them found the place they could belong.
Uruha saw something sparkling, almost covered with snow. He picked up the last debris of his dream. The ring really seemed to be very beautiful in the snow.
When he looked further, he saw a pair of shoes.
Can I fall for you? Am I good enough for you? I’m powerless to stop this love. I wish we could be together forever and ever… I mean it, I really love you.
Reita assisted him as he stood up, brushing the snow on his coat and hair. He took the ring and wpre it to Uruha. He smiled and pinched his cheeks.
“YOU STUPID MONKEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
“You’re even lying… this is no hundred yen necklace…”
Reita let go of his cheeks and hugged him, tightly as if he’s going to break.
“Uruha wouldn’t call me monkey. She wouldn’t yell at me. She wouldn’t hit me. Maybe I’ve known for quite a long time that something had changed and yet I kept a blind eye out of it pretending like it’s the same as before. But you know, what I have felt to the person I’m with for six months were all true. It’s something that couldn’t be explained. I didn’t love you just because you looked like her or because you had her heart. I fell in love with you because you are you. We’re connected.”
[Current year, June 9]
“This day… there’s nothing to celebrate about.”
The opposite train passed on him and for a second that seemed to be in slow motion, he saw himself reflected on the door’s window.
Ever since before, he didn’t lie about himself. The way he dressed, he spoke, he acted, it’s all him. That’s why even he was used to of being called Uruha, he believed that Kouyou would always live within him. In that way, his existence would continue to live.
With their hands intertwined, he knew Reita understood him.
“Heeeeh, you know, no matter how nice and understandable your partner is, sex is really important. Hey, I’m talking to you where are you going?”
“I’ll report to police, sexual harassment.”
“I UNDERSTAND! I UNDERSTAND! Just like always…”
Reita was surprised with a sudden kiss.
Just like this, they didn’t let go of each other’s hand.
Uruha opened his present, “So what’s my gift… FOUD COUPON?! And it’s even EXPIRED! Stupid monkey!”
A/N: Another one hell of a rushed story. HAHAHA! It’s a request from someone, a ReitaxUruha oneshot on Uruha’s birthday but I wonder if it would make it. Aaaa~aaaah! I wonder if it’s even good. Do leave a reaction.